Sometimes I wonder how i'll die. Will it be cancer? From some foreign carcinogen I thought I was so careful to avoid? Will I die behind a badge? Will I become an Officer and someday pull over the wrong person? Maybe it will be completely out of my hands, a fire, gas leak, plane crash, something so ridiculous it will end up on a television show like 1000 Ways to Die. Maybe I just won't wake up someday and only after hours of studying my body will a coroner realize he has no clue how I passed.
Now I'm not suicidal or contemplating death or anything. I just wonder these things because every day I get older and closer and closer to the inevitable. I turned 21 today (1-7). In an age and society where this occasion is marked by shots and jaeger bombs until near coma arises, I simply sat at home until Kara got off work, we had dinner with some friends, had cake, then came home. Now, it seems there are only negative milestones to reach. Oh, i'm 40 today, great. Tomorrow I turn 50 and in a few years AARP will be knocking on my door. I approached my birthday like any other day because to me that is all it is. I'm more excited about Ringo's birthday or Kara and I's anniversary than my own birthday. It may be due to the fact that in all my childhood I can remember maybe one birthday party. Possibly it's because I feel no one really cared about my birthday growing up. It came, it went. I didn't even get to take cup cakes to school =[
The important thing about today is that I learned not everything is what it seems and if a problem comes to surface, tackle it head on. Never let something fester under the assumption it will go away on it's own because it won't. Before I met Kara I was completely untouchable when it came to emotions and feelings. She showed me what it is like to love. To be happy. To cry. To comfort. To care and be cared for. I've learned so much about myself and life in general because of her. I'll never let anything come between us. Life is only getting shorter and shorter. Every day is another day lost to the eternal clock of life and death. Something we all will fall victim to eventually. I can only spend every day enjoying it like it's my last.
