=]

SO GLAD THE HOLIDAYS ARE OVER. IM TIRED OF CHRISTMAS MUSIC, DECORATIONS, JESUS PRAISING, AND SPENDING $$$$$$.

My Straight Edge 2010

     As I progress in life and learn new things and embark upon new experiences, my personal philosophy on life is ever changing. One thing I have held close in my heart for a number of years is my personal adherence to the Straight Edge. Some of my views have completely flipped in the past years: religion, vegetarianism, friendship, and even my career path. One thing has never changed as much as those things. The core Straight Edge ethos I believe in - to never indulge in drugs and alcohol. One thing I will never do: Break that promise to myself.  While my core belief will never change, some of the ways I view things regarding the Straight Edge have differed.

     When I was 16 years old, I detested anyone who sold out the Straight Edge. Anyone who turned their back on their beliefs turned their back on me. At times I even resorted to acts of violence to prove my point.

Now i'm older, wiser, much more open minded, and have realized people make mistakes. Some people got into a fad that wasn't going to stick with them their entire lives. I accept that. I accept the Straight Edge isn't for everyone. I realize not everyone shares the same views as me, even though they once did. Some people choose to damage their bodies with substances, big deal.  What I can't accept is slandering someone's name, someone's reputation because you don't like what and who they are. I can't accept utter disrespect towards someone who feels passionately about their beliefs, threats of violence, personal insults and attacks on ones home life. That's ridiculous, childish, and mindless. Get real and grow up. I've met so many people through the hardcore and Straight Edge scene that are no longer involved in either of those cultures. We remain friends to this day because we share similar views on different things and we act in an adult manner regarding the views we do not share.

In this, self is all I need. With this oath that keeps me free, to this I am forever true.

I will never run from where I stand, even if it means i'm standing here alone. If all my friends sold out and I was the only person that I knew that remained Straight Edge, I would still be Straight Edge because I am the way I am for myself and that will never change.

It was 2002, I was skateboarding with Russell Catt. It was September and it was getting cold. We were on the promenade that night and the result ended up being the best thing that ever happened to me. I met Rob Maxwell and I honestly don't remember exactly what he said but I do remember the huge bold X on each of his hands and why they were there. From then on I swore to live a Straight Edge lifestyle. I already despised drugs and alcohol and this just put a name to it. Discovering hardcore circa 2004 instilled a pride in me that will never waiver. Listening to the few youth crew bands I knew over and over and over. Moshing my brains out to the obnoxious Straight Edge metal core bands I knew every chance I got, even if it was in my bedroom. Those are the things that established my Straight Edge. Going to hardcore shows every chance possible and meeting people from all over. Thinking that every friend I had would have my back forever and I was invincible. I wouldn't change that for anything.

Things ended up changing themselves, I only catch a good hardcore show a few times a year. I can count my friends on both my hands and my Straight Edge friends on one. I no longer put any faith in anyone that I don't already trust and I know that even that could some day fade. I used to spend everyday with my friends, driving around, skateboarding, causing a ruckus.

Now I spend everyday with Kara and my dogs,  watching home improvement shows, building stuff, going to school. I honestly can't picture my life any other way and i'm happy that way.

=]

It's the most wonderful time....

      I don't know what to do with my days since school has ended. Kara works all day and I usually sleep until about noon. I can only sweep the floor so many times and we never really have much else to do around here. I find myself playing a lot of xbox, even when I don't feel like it. Fall quarter ended too abruptly. I wasn't fully engrossed in studying like I should have been and my grades suffered. I'm disappointed in myself to say the least and my winter quarter goal is at least a 3.x GPA. I'm absolutely positive that my mental capacity can handle it and achieve it.
     Christmas is right around the corner and i'm having mixed feelings about it. This year Kara and I have chosen a bit of a different path. Instead of splitting the day up between our two separate families, we are going to attend her parents on Christmas day and then the next day we're going to host my family at our house. I love spending time with the Altics and i'm glad that we don't have to run off after a few hours to cram time with my family. I'm beyond excited to spend the day with my brother Ryan and sister Erica and her boys and my parents. I wish for nothing more than Matt and Natalie and their boys to make it but I understand financial hurtles prevent that. I also wish my sister Veronica would get her head out of her ass and bring her family but that's hopeless.
     Despite my excitement of spending the day with my families, my financial downfalls are gonna make this Christmas a real bummer gift wise. I LOVE to give my families things, to see the joy on their faces when they receive a gift and knowing it's something they really enjoy. This year isn't going to be so bright in that department. Quitting hh gregg was the best thing I could have done for my mental health and relationship but it's taken a huge toll on my finances and this Christmas is going to reflect that. I know that Kara understands my monetary woes and isn't expecting a lot but it really makes me feel pretty crappy because she honestly deserves the world. That girl keeps me afloat when I feel like drowning and sometimes saves me when I am.  Speaking of Kara, we have decided to move our wedding up to the end of February and going to Vegas! It's going to be a great time and going to take so much stress off of her since she was planning it all by herself.
       I'm patiently waiting to hear back from the Dayton Police Department regarding my test results from the recent civil service exam. It should be about 2-4 weeks longer before I hear anything but the anticipation is building! I know that my chances of securing one of the 60 positions is about 1 in 3300 but I can still dream right? That really would be a dream come true but I know that i'm going to have to work much harder to obtain that goal and i'm perfectly content with that.

In all sincerity, this means the world to me.

     Today was a good day. Kara and I had an argument last night, which we resolved today, I went to Home Depot, I worked on the trim in the my house and am finally pleased with it, I took a nap, We ate dinner and visited with Kara's parents, I came home to lay on the couch with Ringo, drink Yoohoo and watch Police Women of Dallas.
     Now i'm in bed thinking of all the things i'm happy about, today being one of them. My woman being there for me through everything. Derek Oda is giving me a skate board and i'm gonna start shredding again. School is almost done for the quarter. It's almost Christmas which is only good for celebrating family, not jesus. Life in general is good. I'm happy.... so many people have it so much worse than I do, I have no room to complain. I do wish it would stay this temperature forever though.

Recapping the past week or so

  This week,  man, where do I start? I finally got to go on a ride-along with Englewood PD. It was such an awesome experience to view it from the behind the windshield of a cruiser instead of a bystander on the street. Call wise the night was boring as hell but every moment was something new to me and I enjoyed every bit. My career choice has been reassured, that's for sure.
      Last Saturday was our Halloween party. It was a good bit of fun to say the least. Doug and I had the most rad costumes but not a whole lot of people showed up and we have been drinking keg root beer all week because of it. The next day I ended up getting busted in the face with the garage door which resulted in a huge gash right on my forehead. Monday was full of homework and the Colts game (which they played magnificently) Tuesday I went to class all day. I had a psychology test that I actually took the time to study and prepare for and i'm almost positive I bombed it. =[ Thursday night I did laundry and decided I would make a nice dinner for Kara and myself. I called my mother and got her pot roast recipe and bought all the ingredients and everything for that evening. I finished up the laundry and went home and started making dinner and taking to my brother on the telephone. While I was chopping up the carrots the knife slipped and I sliced my finger to what I seriously feel was the bone. It's still numb past the wound and i'm really hoping I didn't hit a nerve or something. Ryan insisted on laughing at me via speakerphone as I ran around frantically trying to queue the bleeding. I really don't have the money to see a doctor so I am hoping in a few more days it regains feeling. On Friday I went to Richmond to pick up my nephew Jordan and see my pals Zach and Cody (coupleadogs.blogspot.com).  Jordan, Cody, and myself had a nice November picnic in the park complete with Papa Johns and runny noses from the cold. We went and swooped Zach up and spent the next few hours in typical Richmond fashion - "so where are we going?". I went to see my momma and hung out with my sister until  Jordan and I went back home. I feel like it is my responsibility to lead my nephew down a righteous path. His biological father is more like his buddy and the man he calls his dad has his hands full with more kids than I believe he can handle. I've been his role model ever since he was born. I'll never forget the days I couldn't keep him out of my business and now i'm wishing I could be all up in his. I try so hard to instill a positive mindset in him. One of my greatest fears is that he'll experiment with drugs or alcohol and lose focus on what is really important in life. We had an instance before we left Richmond where Erica (his mother) confronted him about him saying something stupid at his dads and he instantly threw the blame on his step brother. I could tell he was lying and on the ride home we had a big talk about honesty. How no matter what he does, how stupid it is, or how ashamed he is, he needs to be prepared to take responsibility for his actions. I got him to confess to his lie to his mother and he ended up calling her and apologizing. Which not only made me proud of him but also instilled some pride in himself.

    Today has been up and down, Kara and I went on a date, Smokey Bones and Due Date; Which is usually a pretty sweet time but today the objective was mainly to try and soothe the pain Kara has been experiencing and which came to a high today. A lifetime friend from childhood had a daughter who was diagnosed with terminal brain cancer earlier this year and this morning she passed. One thing I can never come to terms with is how people claim that the christian God is so wonderful and so awesome yet hypothetically he lets a completely innocent child pass away. A child without a malicious bone in her precious body. A child who only deserved an honest shot at life. They go on to say that everything happens for a reason but I can not even begin to fathom what reason is justifiable by the death of such a sweet child. While I was in Richmond we all went to a bookstore so Zach and Cody could check out some skate magazines. I wandered over to the religious section and picked up some book with a title along the lines of "Answers provided by Christ blah blah" and I read a section on Atheism that really just ate me up. "Generally, Atheist come to be that way because they are unhappy with something that Christ has given them." Well DUH, any Atheist raised in a christian manner began to doubt their belief when something like that smacked them in the face. As a christian child and teenager I prayed every night. I prayed that God would watch over me and my family. That he would help my parents with their addictions and that he would afford me the opportunity to help myself and to help others. None of these prayers were ever answered, and if they ever are answered down the road, it's all the result of strong will and pure chance. My Atheist convictions are not only reassured by my bad christian experiences but also my strong stance in factual evidence and a judicial way of thinking. I tend to not pass a verdict on things without substantial evidence and tangible proof. Some people can be led by faith, which to each their own, but that just isn't me.
    Also today, Doug snookered a copy of "Call of Duty - Black Ops" We played a few matches and it might just be the biggest let down of my entire gaming career. In no way shape or form does it live up the hype. Modern Warfare and Modern Warfare 2 remain the best Call of Duty titles in my opinion.
     I guess that is all for now, let me live life a little more and perhaps i'll share it here with you. I have been thinking of some substance to write a straight edge blog. I'm sure that will surface sometime soon.

  

I love building stuff

     So this started out as a distaste for these blocks sitting in my front yard. The previous owners had made an attempt to craft some sort of flower bed. They put mulch behind the block and once it rained all it did was push the block forward resulting in a very sickly looking structure. So I decided to take the block out and in the spring when we decide what we want to do with that area i'll take care of it.
     We had had a chimnea, which is pretty much a clay pot fire pit, in the backyard for a few months until a week or so ago one of the dogs knocked it over and broke it. So I decided to repurpose that ugly block flower bed in the front yard into a much more useful fire pit. Plus Kara was on me about replacing the chimnea anyways.


     So, armed with only a shovel, a hammer, a level, and two bags of play sand. I created this-

I dug about a block and a half down to give it a sturdy base. When it gets warm again i'll probably fill in with mortar to make it completely sturdy. All in all i'm pretty proud with the finished product, given the lack of preparation and planning. What's really awesome is that I used every block I had. Talk about a perfect fit.

So what's this about?

         When I was a little younger, fifteen-sixteen, I found myself having a LOT of time on my hands. I didn't have a vehicle, very many friends with vehicles, or a cell phone. Much of my time was spent at the Earlham library lurking myspace, or sitting at my sisters house lurking myspace. I used most of my time trying to channel the many thoughts and feelings into something. Unfortunately on a few occasions some of the stronger emotions came flying out of my fist and caused me a lot of trouble. I eventually started writing my own blog and found that it had relieved quite a bit of the tension I would build up throughout those very trying times. I find it very liberating and a great stress relief over some of the petty stuff I don't feel like sharing verbally. I also enjoy the feedback that I get from whomever decides to read what I write. A girl in my speech class gave a speech on blogging and had a few statistics that I can't accurately remember but one was the percentage of "dead" blogs that float around the internet, i'll try not to let this one die until old age becomes of it.